SMILE PEOPLE, SMILE!!!

Today I was at work (of course)... i recieved a call, where a gentle voice was saying: Please, pretty please, just come and accept today's shift... so I just couldn't disagree. Ok... not a problem for me. But at about 4 or 5 pm (I was already working)... our BOSS-OF-THE-BOSSES entered the doorway. Well, that's not a big deal... he's just a big dick (like all the others). And then I was told TO SMILE. Smile? Why should I smile when that imitation af a human enters the room? -Because if you don't we have problems. Well that just pissed me off. Everyone was runnin around with wide smiles on their faces doing their best to look happy, relaxed and proud that they work there. ...and me? I was feelin sick... and all the managers tellin me to smile and work hard were makin my position even worse. Fortunately (or maybe not) I MANAGED TO STAY CALM (with no smile of course - I'm too rebelish to do what i'm told to). So that's my today's story... finally could shout it out. I hate these snobbish people and I hate when I have to do something really ANNOYING just to fulfill their needs or something... phew!

ON THE WINGS OF AN ANGEL

so this is my (very artistic photo) taken by a great woman called sima (hope she reads this sometime lol).... it was taken on a cemetery in my hometown... quite a nice one isn't it? (the angel is really good)

MANY PIECES OF NOTHING

many days have passed
many memories have faded
many dreams, again hated
many memories still last

many pictures, discoloured
many lives, new and old
many treasures i still hold
many thoghts being recovered

many faces i got to know
many people, forgotten souls
many minds, with countless holes
many hearts shot by a bow

but... no feeling, no anger, no pain, no hope, no .... nothing... emptiness... of my soul

FIGHT

This is a photo taken during a trip to a dance competition or something...Me and my dance partner (petra) are having a little 'fight' (lol). Don't judge us according to this picture since we LOOK TERRIBLE here... generally we are really BEATUFUL of course... lol.

A PLACE IN MY HEAD

Where are we going?
Nobody knows, nobody dares to ask
Nobody except a small girl
standing right there in front of me
telling me to stop! Think!
Not about me, about... her
Where are we going?
Asked the little child
slowly with no frown
slowly she let it come
FAST! answer!...or it might be late
...too late
for us, for fate
to decide whether or not...
...to put here a DOT.

DO I HATE... EVERYTHING?

Today a friend of mine asked me: 'Hey, is there anything you don't hate?' And I said.... YES, Of course, there are lots of things i don't hate... for example... BUT then I stopped... I couldn't continue... I just couldn't find anything that would possibly be an object of NOT hating.

I suddenly realized that i'm s really annoying person who can only COMPLAIN, call others names... I couldn't remember a moment when I made people happy, when they smiled because I solved any of their problems... I HAVE CHANGED. But unfortunately it turns out to be the wrong side that has taken over me. I can't be nice to people, I can't smile, all I do is spreading anger and hatred. I HATE MYSELF!

(this is only an expression of my feelings... probably will be deleted as soon as I get out of this state-of-mind and gain sanity)

I AM

I'm just a legal outsider
don't wanna be somethin' more
I'm as high as I wanna be
anytime I can shut the door

I'm just an evil prisoner
a prisoner of consequence
yet I had no opportunity
to show my offence

Are all the things this simple?
Is this all I have to do?
To sit right back and wait for what comes
to wait... maybe for you

I'm just a little pill
swallowed by my sad life
swallowed but then thrown out
cut by a sharp knife

I'm just a moment
out of many
which lasts just one second
writing a short story.

(lyrics for a little-bit-blues-song which i wrote recently)

DANGEROUS

This is Gabique in the artistic moment or knife-licking. It was taken on a party, where I wasn't present (of course), so I can only guess what happened there... looking at this photo makes me think of thousands of BAD things... but I know my friends... they're not as wild as it seems.... at least I think.

OUT OF DATE, BUT STILL VERY GOOD

Finally a photo where u can see me! (I'm the one wearing black -the man) lol. This is a photo from a trip to a dance competition, so my hairstyle is quite looserish (lol) and old fashioned... the breasts i'm holding belong to my dance partner Petra (she's one of my best friends) and the couple right of us is also a Dance couple (but they go out together too). The photo is quite old... my hail is much much longer...and that's the only thing that's changed lol. :-)

GABIQUE

This is one of my best friends. My attitude to her can't be expessed by words. (despite of the fact that the cigarette and the beer explains in what kind of situation was the photo taken) lol...

FEAR IS ONLY A STATE OF MIND

This is one of the new wallpapers I made... they can all be viewed on my homepage (which is still incomplete). I like this one because it's really scary lol. Have a nice day everyone

LONELY THOUGHTS (PART FOUR)

Freedom, finally freedom... no school exams, no annoyance.... only me and my best friend: 'chaos'. In the past few weeks I had no time to think about the life I live, we live... now is the right time to throw out all my past experience in life-living. Since my activites such as 'thinking, and acting according to that' are really DESTRUCTIVE, i'm not expecting that this will have a happy end lol.

What is chaos for me? Chaos is something unpredictable, unexpected, anaccepted and misuderstood... just like me. Chaos in not only disorder. It is beauty. Beauty in every moment, every point of view. Chaos is beautiful, because it never stops changing, it's a true art-in-motion. Chaos is everywhere. You can never maintain pefect order. Order is boring. So boring because you can predict it, in fact you don't have to because it never changes. It's still the same, isn't it? People are crazy when they want to control chaos... it cannot be controlled, yet turned into order. Chaos is in one moment CHAOS, in another one COSAH, then it changes into HACSO. Beautiful. Don't you think?

MINDLESS

When I look at her I don't know what to think
'Cause she's so empty
Money and fame are her only ambitions
doing only what she's told to do

But her happiness last no longer than her money
her life is the one i wouldn't like to live

Tryin' to make me into what I'm not
She says it's the key to success
Fighting for herself isn't her style
She prefers to lie

She already thinks that I'm a lost soul
But I'm gonna show her the truth
She is the lost one and I have found her
Yet she can't be saved

Her happiness last no longer than her money
her life is the one I wouldn't like to live
and with time she'll become 'funny'
everyone will laugh at her face

When I look at her I don't know what to think
don't know anything

(lyrics of a song about my (ex)good friend)

I'M NOT A LOSER!

well.. i took a loser test and it says: I'm cool.... :-)

TIMEFLOW

When your shapeless face is staring at the sky,
and the stars are gone but no one knows why.
When the cold breeze blows into your face,
did you wonder why we run this race...

When your mind is flying somewhere you can't go,
and you want to see what's up above.
You scream out loud why you cannot be,
like all the people you daily see.

When your anxious face is staring at the sky,
and the stars are back, up there, high.
When the warm breeze blows into your face,
did you realize all these passing days...

(just a poem... i wrote)

LONELY THOUGHTS (PART THREE)

As I keep occupying my brain with useless information that I acquired at school...I begin to understand what is all this good for. We need to be pushed forward somehow. We need these problems as prototypes for real life. It is a process which selects all the 'worthy' ones, who have succeeded in these funny tests-of-knowledge and punished those who had the courage to resist. Punishes -forever-. But the voice says happily: Keep on... Keep on movin'. As if we had any choice. In fact we have no choice, ... if we want something more... freedom maybe?

I don't understand myself... even after reading this post. But that doesn.t matter as long as I keep on... :-)

LONELY THOUGHTS (PART TWO)

I am so tired.... gotta think...think man!!! ...physics... chemistry. School... when does this end? The system... prohibits... ending. But anyway I believe... I still believe that it won't be forever... until it reaches its end... hate it. Has no sense... has no point... should be history... still it's here... we're trapped. Life is short, yet shortened by US! by us... people... we don't really think about real problems... we are distracted. I am distracted. Very distracted... by physics, chemistry...school. It has no priority for me... but I still put enormous effort into it... why? Dunno. Not to break the tradition. Fuck the tradition... ! Don't need it. Need freedom. Exit. Lotsa Information... about NOTHING! NONSENSE! perfect. Yes, perfect... .

JUNK DILEMMAS NO. 67

Deprivation's relative. There are bairns starvin tae death, dying every second like flies. The fact that this is happening in another place, doesnae negate that fundamental truth. In the time it takes us tae crush up these pills, cook them and inject them, thousands ay bairns in other countries, and mibbe a few in this yin, will be deid. In the time it takes us tae dae this, thousands ay rich bastards will be thousands ay pounds richer, as investments ripen.

Irvine Welsh (Trainspotting)

NOTHING EVER CHANGES

We change.... in fact we are changing all the time. But why do we not realize that we've changed? Why can't we keep ourselves from changing and why are we reminded by the people who we are in close relation with, that not everything is so simple, that we have changed and they don't like it. Change is inevitable... in every life. We can't just omit it, it's part of our mental growth, part of our minds and we simply cannot do anything about it. We are so helpless, we know it, yet still we are questioned from everyone: Why are we not the same? Whether we remember the old times? Whether we would like them back? If we are satisfied with the way we live now? LIFE IS ABOUT THESE PROCESSES... When we break our relationships and start new ones... but it's so hard, leaves incurable wounds. Can we do something? This is my question. Not big things... only something... anything to prove that we can't change this.... or maybe we can... who knows... maybe once it'll be just like the old times... I hope

MY NERD SCORE

I have taken the NERD test and my score is:

I am nerdier than 5% of all people.... I'm rather cool lol.

Well that's good.... at least something optimmistic.

OFFICIALLY MYSTERIOUS

Nobody can determine the type of my character.
Nobody can predict the thigs I say.
Nobody can see what I am thinking of.
Nobody can make me say something I don't want to.
Nobody can take me as I am.
Nobody can help me change.
Nobody can change for me.
Nobody can experience the things I do.
Nobody can guess my opinion.

Nobody knows me.

LONELY THOUGHTS (PART ONE)

Loneliness leads to thinking...

My friends... they have just arrived from the weekend-alcohol-journey (I just couldn't go because of my duties) and I realized, that I didn't even care about what they were doing there, how were they, if anybody got hurt. Only two or three messages reminded me, that they actually WERE thinking of me... . It's sad, but because of my very workoholic life I begin to drift away from everything that kept me alive... my friend, my realatives, everyone... they simply fade away... but the worst is, that it's my fault! I just can't take this anymore. My life is getting so stereotype, so boring. I can't even enjoy myself, I can't make fun of myself anymore. The times have changed and I feel like i'm living a totally different life. Not the old one... with no problems...no.... I've got problems, TONS OF 'EM. -Forget them... they're not important... CLICK!- open- play- evanescence- thoughtless.mp3- volume 100% -lights -off -exiting to dreams...

...music always heals.

HELLO

Playground school bell rings again,
rain clouds come to play again.
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello
I am your mind giving you someone to talk to
hello

If I smile and don't believe,
soon I know I'll wake from this dream.
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
Hello
I am the lie livning for you so you can hide
don't cry

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
hello
I'm still here
all that's left of yesterday

Evanescence

THE PRICE OF THE PRICELESS

Today I met quite a lot of snobbish people, dressed in evening gowns, tuxedos, wearing diamond necklaces... I performed at one of the most famous balls in slovakia, the 'Opera Ball'. I have to say that i got sick of all those people playing their roles so carefully, obeying the rules of the higher society, some of them even not knowing they were only actors. When I saw them i just couldn`t stop thinking about the meaning of this 'high society'. Why does it exist? Why do people become robots after they are accepted in the upper sphere?

The fact is, that this group of people creates rules for us: the 'paesants' and has its own world. But i just can`t accept it. Why? Beacuse at lest two thirds of them hve nothing to do with intelligence, they only had luck (and maybe something else as sex appeal or a good friend on a good post). I just can`t stand when such a person looks down on me and thinks that I am a total loser, that I was born only to serve THEM! This is not right. Money changes people, but I didn`t know, that it also kills them.

ANGEL EXIT

We all live in this reality and most of us should also be aware of it. We have been creating and developing it for ages, but is our work and effort of any use? Do we like the world we live in? Me personally not... and I`m sure that I`m not alone. We keep assuring ourselves, that everything is okay, that it is like this because it is meant to be... That`s wrong! We should all realize that this is not what we wanted, this is not a dream... it`s a nightmare. Life sucks nowdays and we can`t do a sigle thing about it because we`re outnumbered by the blind ones... . Would we need drugs if we were happy, would we be in stress? No! But everyone just accepts this like the 'reality which is unchangeable'. Everything is given ... by us.

FUCK FATHER

Oh I just hate people who just don`t listen to me!!!! One of them is (unfortunately) also my father. I don`t really know if all the parents are this way, but my father is a thoughtless noone with ground intelligence and explosive personality. This should explain everything! I just hate when he doesn`t care about my opinion, he doesn`t care about anyone`s feelings... no... he just insists on doing what he tells me to do, no matter how impossible (!) it is to complete. He doen`t use logic to make associations in his little tiny brain...

This was only to express my anger.... not to write about anything in particular or somethin`...

JUST A BORING DAY

Today i woke up at 2.00 pm, finally we had no school... School is not imprtant for me, ain fact i hate school. Why do we have to learn all those useless information? I think the education should be much more about the real life... not only the theory. The percentage of the knowledge that you will use in your future life is less than 20%. That`s terrible! Do they want to devlop our memory? No... they just don`t want us to be lazy... that`s their purpose! But they put us under great pressure, which some of us just can`t bear! We`re not lazy, but we are destined to be confused and psychically abnormal. That`s it... no school= no problems :-) .

YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS GREAT BLOG

http://www.xanga.com/waterpuzzle

This is a blog that`s worth seeing. It`s a blog of an american girl which i met playing an mmorpg. We just exchanged mail addresses and i found out, that she`s just like me....

JUST ABOUT TIME....

Hey! It was just about time for me to create this blog... because i have just so many things to say... and i just couldn`t... so here`s the place where i`d like to keep all my opinions, and yours too...

Since this blog is a brand new one, i`d like to specify what it`s all about...

It`s about freedom, and the people`s need for freedom, because i feel like i have to get free, but i just can`t... there is a system in this world that just doesn`t allow you to be free at all....

It`s about our inability to change this world, no matter how we try... we just can`t oppose the system...

It`s about what we feel and what we really get for expressing our feelings... about cruelty and kindness, about war and peace...

It`s about EVERYTHING THAT MAKES SENSE...